The process of forgiveness is a journey, and trust me, I know it’s not always easy. If you’ve been hurt, it can feel impossible to let go of the pain and anger that comes with it. I’ve been there too, holding onto resentment like it was my protection, protecting me from ever getting hurt again. But what I realized is that holding onto bitterness was only hurting me, not the person who wronged me. And God’s Word makes it so clear that forgiveness is not just something we do for others, but for ourselves. It’s a way to free our hearts from chains we often don’t even realize we’re dragging around.

What Forgiveness Really Means

Forgiveness isn’t about saying, “Oh, it’s okay” or pretending the hurt didn’t happen. It’s about releasing that person from the emotional grip they have on you. And let me tell you, that can feel like a tall order. But here’s what helps.. Remember that when we forgive, we’re reflecting God’s forgiveness for us. I think about Colossians 3:13, which says, “Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” If I’m being honest, that verse is a tough one for me sometimes. When I think about all the times I’ve messed up and how God has forgiven me, without strings attached, it humbles me and reminds me that I need to do the same for others.

Each time I choose forgiveness, I’m allowing room for grace in my heart and a chance for healing, both for myself and the person I’m forgiving. It takes time and prayer to work through the feelings, but the freedom that comes from releasing that burden is worth it. All in all, it’s about embracing God’s love and allowing it to flow through me, transforming not just my heart but also my relationships with others. That’s something we can all strive for, isn’t it? This is why it’s called “The Process of Forgiveness,” because it’s a PROCESS.

4 Steps to Walking Through The Process of Forgiveness

I’ve found that forgiveness comes in stages, and it’s rarely a one-time event. The first step is forgiving yourself. That is sometimes the hardest thing to do, but you can do it! If you need help doing that you can read about how to do that here! After you have forgiven yourself and you’re worried about what comes next, know that it’s okay to take it one step at a time. Here’s what has helped me along the way:

1. Acknowledge the Pain

First things first: You have to face the hurt. For the longest time, I would just shove down my feelings and act like I was fine. But guess what? That didn’t work. I had to admit to myself, and to God, how deeply I’d been hurt. Whether it was a friend’s betrayal or something much deeper, ignoring it didn’t make the pain go away, it pony masked it for a short time.

What you can do: Find a quiet place where you can talk to God about your hurt. Write it down, speak it out loud, whatever helps you be honest about your pain. He will help you.

2. Make the Decision to Forgive

Here’s the thing: Forgiveness is a choice. You might not feel it right away (trust me, I didn’t), but choosing to forgive is the start of the process. Jesus tells us in Matthew 6:14, “If you forgive others, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.” I always come back to that verse because it reminds me that forgiveness is a step of faith.

What you can do: Say it out loud: “I choose to forgive.” It may feel strange at first, but you’re making a powerful statement over your life.

3. Release Resentment—Again and Again

This part? It’s hard. Sometimes it feels like I forgive someone, but then those feelings of resentment creep back in. That’s when I know I have to go back to God and let go of those feelings all over again. Romans 12:19 says, “Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath.” We have to trust God with justice and let go of the bitterness we want to hold onto.

What you can do: When those feelings of anger or resentment return, stop and pray. Ask God to help you release it—again.

4. Rely on God’s Strength

I’ve tried to forgive people in my own strength, and let me tell you, it doesn’t work. There are just some things so painful that only God’s strength can help you release it. Philippians 4:13 tells us, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” I’ve had to lean on that verse more times than I can count. You may have to do the same.

What you can do: Each day, ask God to help you forgive. Even if you’ve already made the choice, keep praying for strength.

There are many ways to start the process of forgiveness. A lot of this is psychological too.. This article on The 5 psychological stages of forgiveness could help you a little more!

The Journey is Worth It

If you’re on the road to forgiveness, know that it’s worth it. I’ve experienced the peace that comes when you finally let go of resentment, and it’s like a weight lifted from your soul. It doesn’t mean the hurt didn’t happen, but it means you’re free from carrying it. And that freedom is priceless.

If you want to dig deeper into how forgiveness impacts relationships, you can dig deeper with my Forgiveness in Relationships post!